water lillies

Dear Tom,

Down below my window we have water lillies. They are an ancient flower gong back hundreds of years or centuries. In this pond we also have a lot of small fish as well.

I don't know if you have water lillies in India? But they are a very interesting flower.

I have not heard from you since my last message to you in reference to your superior asking you not to invite your friend to your room etc. How you felt frightened and you just had a glass of water in the room.

This is a problem that we have as gays. The contacts we need and also that love and attention. But there is always someone to interfere. It could be jealousy involved this is all a part of our life. More so where you are since there is no openess in reference to gay life in your country. Or if there is, it is kept hidden, it is forbidden because of religion or the state. It is not as open as in the Western culture.

This attraction that we have comes from another influence or experience in our young lives. As I have already mentioned before that there is always someone that has more experince that we have.
Naturally you enjoyed the expereicnce and being with another is an escape from loneliness in our lives as Brothers. We are in the need of feeling wanted in our lives. Which doesn't happened so much in our own personal lives.

It becoms habit forming and we need it often. As you and I know.
I know so many people who have been damaged in their lives because of this experience. It was not planned but it happened in our lives.

I remember my first contact just being a high school student and walking home from school with anothr person through the wet lands or the marshes from the water of the ocean that was near my home. The person that I was with started to touch me and so it led to other expeeriences even visiting a friend in a house near me which happened to be the girl's friend house of my younger brother. Fortunately he lived in an apartment that was separated and had difference entrance to the house. This guy enjoyed sex as well. So one thing just led to another. A whole history of these experiences.

Even going into religious life and thinking that I would be free and in the Novitiate, I had an experience with a priest from my own parish and a friend of the family. He is dead now but there are so many cases that I can think off.

I don't know what are your expereinces on this. Or if this person is the only one that you have made contact with.

For this reason that it makes me wonder why the Superior would be very suspicious of this. Either it is your own actions or behaviour and I know that you don't have contact with your own students.

So this my concern for you and the reason for writing about myself on this. My background being Irish and puritaian in that sex is forbidden and not talked about. A part of my own American heritage. Which is different from you and it comes from the British.
It is the Protestant influence. Sex is the forbidden fruit but we then read in the newspapers about the priests having sex with young boys etc. in Europe as well as my own country. I am sure that there are a lot of cases here.

Well these are my thoughts on this Wednesday afternoon here in Cochabamba, Bolivia.

your brother,
Frank